Apoorva's blog point

360 Degree

2011-10-04T10:36:00.006+05:30

I used to love this Justin Timberlake song when I was in teens. "What goes around comes back around". With that song playing at the back of my mind, here I am in "Amrika" blogging my first post ever since my life turned around into something I had never imagined it would. I still remember the day I got my CMU admit for masters.. Feb 24th I believe. I just opened my gmail account and there was a decision mail sitting in my inbox. I was shivering with excitement as I read "congratulations You ...." I never read a word after that. I was jumping in the air and celebrating my best and most ambitious university admit. I had made it to my dream university!! (Even though it costs me at least 1.5 times of some other university). After months of changing and re-changing mind, I finally decided Carnegie Mellon University is going to be my destination. Background check -- What had I done in life till then? Uhmm difficult .. Err.. I guess I had survived engineering and thats that. Fast forward to the day I was leaving Bangalore. My family was in tears and I was a little emo myself. But the moment I reached airport, all i was worried was how would I push a 23*3 Kg trolley!!! I was so busy with my luggage that I never realized it was going to be a long journey away from home. A hard one where I had to cook my own food, wash my clothes, wax and shape my friggin eye brows myself because it is too expensive!! Oh and I almost forgot. I had classes to attend, a grad student's life to live!
I woke up today morning at 6:00 am and almost dizzy with mixed emotions.I had a dream; A sweet dream where my family was here in Pittsburgh to visit me. I was so tranquil and happy. But when I woke up to the rude reality that I was sleeping in some creepy corner of my room with books all around and my laptop was open with a million assignments staring at me. I was so miffed that wanted to stamp my laptop into pieces and go back to my dream. But, like they say all good things come to an end! My morning was screwed up with emotions. I wanted India. I wanted to be in my room at my home in Bangalore. I wanted my noisy neighbor playing tappanguchi Kannada songs loudly and pissing me off! I wanted to wear a salwar kameez without a triple layer of sweaters and jackets over it. As I was lost in a trance of my thoughts, my flat mate knocked at the bathroom door reminding me that I had a class to attend in 30 minutes! Sigh. Those were the days when I used to wake up at 8:00 am for a 8:30 class!! Now I get up at 7:00 for a 8:30 class because I have to clean-make-pack my own lunch. My classmates from BNMIT will be surprised to hear this.. I am hardly ever late to any class here! All this minus my scooty.
Unlike my bunking days in engineering I stay back in university till midnight and sometimes even late finishing my assignments and homeworks!! LoL.. Call it peer pressure,, call it responsibility.. call it fate.. call it mistake. Students here literally "live" on campus and go home once in a while to sleep and eat. For me the transition was really hard. From what it was in India to what it is here, I have come a full circle. Back to the studious school days when I used to study to be on top. Now I study to survive! Everyday is a new battle with a new project or a new challenging home work. I feel the clock in pittsburgh ticks faster!!!
Finally shivering in the cold windy night I come home at 1:00 am and make some salad out of the left over vegetables and mayonnaise. I introspect my life and sit down to blog after a long time. Is this what i expected? Hell no.. Is this what I enjoy? Hell Yeah... I finally get to LEARN something new.My life is not perfect (which you can figure out easily when I tell you i eat cold salad for dinner.. ) But I am happy! A new prospective to life..That's a 360 degree turn.. isnt it?

Why do all good things come to an end

2011-05-08T01:12:00.006+05:30

Life - Such a wonderful journey. Now that the real-fun part of it is almost coming to an end, it is an engineer's habit to document everything in the end (Especially late at night). Heard from my classmate that our send off from engineering is on 14th of this month. I was speculating the thought of send off.. It actually meant the eventful four years of journey had almost come to an end.

I remember my first day, first semester. I was late to class. (Have always been since that day). Walked into a class full of strange faces. Sat next to a pretty girl. Within a matter of two semesters I had a wonderful group. In the beginning, I remember feeling terrible for scoring less in my internal tests. It seems so funny now that someone can be upset about something as trivial as marks. So naive and immature, I used to think I would apply to Harvard for MBA immediately after my engineering. (LoL)
I even mailed them asking the criteria. They said having 3 years minimum work experience was mandatory. I was so heart broken. I asked them if they could make an exception for me! What was I thinking.

Then came the second year. By now we were all set within ourselves. The fun part was just kicking start. Now we were 6-7 girls making the most of our engineering lives. We used to chat for hours together sitting in the hostel bunker beds (Oh by the way visitors are not allowed in the hostel :P)
Fishing had just started in a big way. For the innocent ones wondering what is fishing, it means checking out the male population in college. For one fact my college had a pond . A stale and dirty pond full of dead fishes, tadpoles and frogs. Arrggh! Poor us. . . Nevertheless standing in the corridor during breaks, fishing.. How endlessly we made fun of our poor teachers. Of course who can forget the favorite gossip topic. Relationships!! Who is going out with whom? Who ditched whom? We could have been script writers for Channel Zoom !! That was one of the juiciest topics back then. Wonder where those days went.

Student life is beautiful. In spite of its ups and downs. Of course we are all not angels but at the end of the day we are great friends. Of course we fought with each other but don't remember the reasons. Nor do we remember how we patched up because all that mattered was the friendship. The special bonds we built over four years is probably among the best relationships in our lives. I still remember how we all got suspended together and celebrated suspensions by putting up the pictures of our suspension on Orkut. How we all cried in unison after a fucked up Software Architecture paper. Not to forget , how the bum of the poor birthday boy always goes for a toss in the name of Birthday 'bum'ps, the cruel fun practice we enjoy!

Like they say all good things come to an end. Engineering comes to an end, leaving many such sweet memories in the sands of time. Orkut has been killed by Facebook. Classroom fun no more exists because there are no more classes. No more attendance shortages for bunking. No gossip, no suspensions, no birthday treats, no more fishing in the rotten pond. (This surely is a relief though). A whole lot of "no"s there. But lets hope it opens door to a more exciting life to come. May be we will all meet in each other wedding after we leave college and talk about the good ol days.. Sigh..
Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?

This blog is dedicated to all my classmates and friends in engineering who made life so enjoyable.
Love you all people. This journey wouldn't have been what it is without you all.. You really mean a lot to me.

Leading a spoon's life

2011-02-06T10:58:00.008+05:30

Disclaimer: I don't intend this blog at any person I know or any event. This blog is out of pure experience with human nature so please do not take offense because it is generic.

Results out as usual! Everyone is happy, smiling. Who beat whom? Who got what? Did i beat the shit out of that XYZ? If so then by how many marks? Pheww. Taking a break from that,
One of my favorite subhashita in Sanskrit goes like this

yasya nAsti svayaM prajnA kevalaM tu bahushrutaH ।
na sa jAnAti shAstra arthaM darvI sUparasAn iva ॥

Meaning, a wise man who lacks self-understanding can only be called well read.
He who can not understand the deeper meaning of any book is – just like a spoon which does not know the taste of the dish it serves. Similar to our career. Here we pass out of every semester with distinctions but ask us if we know at least one subject in detail. Silence.

So what is the point I am making? The point is, why are we always dancing around marks? When will we think of actually acquiring knowledge? Every student will say that he/she loves a subject. But, ask them a question, they fumble around the very basics of the subject. Because in our curriculum we are trained to know only 5 units! Rest can go to hell..
It is how we are expected to learn. When we were in school parents said score well. When we went to college, lecturers said score well. Then we went to engineering, we told ourselves to score well. In this whole process what happened to learning? Why didn't anyone say "learn well". Isn't learning what matters the most?

The pathetic state of affairs of Indian students is the fact that all our student lives which should have been a learning process has been made into a scoring process. parents feel happy with a high scoring kid but they fail to understand the kid cannot survive even a slightly tricky question in subject he/she scored 100!

Then there is this argument that scoring well gets you jobs in good companies and stuff like that. Well, having gone through the placement process, I can tell one thing. A very average score like 60 is enough to qualify you to the entrance test. Rest depends on your aptitude, knowledge and confidence. Bottom line is text book studies can't win the battle for you. It's you knowledge and attitude that matters if you need to be placed in a great job.
So the question again pops up, if a top scoring student and an average 60-65% student can get placed in the same company with the same salary why were we told all our lives that we should be on the top to deserve something better than the lesser ones? Something wrong with the theory!I'm not supporting low scores, but it isn't so hard to maintain a decent score after all. So work hard enough for that and with that include "learning the depth" as a part.

We have lecturers coming in every semester till now telling us, this subject is easy to score, this subject is hard, so study well in advance. But not one comes to say, learn and understand this subject well (in short Fuck marks). Do projects, write papers! Why doesn't anyone tell us that? When there is so much ready guidance on marks scoring techniques why not on techniques to improve our knowledge? There are hardly any of us who will say, I know this 1 subject very well. I can take as many questions as you want on this subject. Because we were all busy learning only 5 units!

Now as a student who wants to pursue Masters I look at myself and I feel that I wasted away my precious 4 yrs doing nothing. Because all I ever wanted was marks! Luckily I did change my attitude a year ago when maturity started sinking in and the reality of not knowing anything started striking me hard. But I can promise there are still many of us who can never break the marks jinx. Many of us live to impress our teachers, friends and family. But when will we actually make some good use of the abundant knowledge available? Blame is partially on us for not respecting our time, partially on the education system. The education system has so deeply rooted the concept of scores in us, students, that all our lives we believe marks defines us, our personality. Where as it isn't anything that is even close!

So then,when will we look at studies as a learning period? So what if we get 40 in a subject. Is our knowledge at least 80? How many times have we tried to create something new? These questions linger in my mind, no answers yet. But personally I hope at least I can learn one subject well, so that when I leave engineering at least I will have some respect for myself. I hope masters in a different education system can at least let me understand what I missed here for sixteen years. Hope the spoon's life stops with this.

A little love

2011-01-22T20:55:00.006+05:30

I am normally a hyper active human being and hardly sober. In fact many who know me suspect if I even sleep peacefully or if I'm chattering away in my dreams. But somehow today (right now as I blog) I was wondering what happiness meant to me. Somewhere six months back when I dreamt of going abroad for doing Masters, I not only saw it as a wonderful opportunity to study further but probably as a challenge of my abilities and skills. I thought I would be the happiest person if I could crack the exam with a good score. Luckily I did get a great score and I was on cloud nine. But fifteen days after that it sounded like a silly definition of happiness.

How could one dream of great score to be key to happiness? Then I thought the if I do go abroad then probably the sense of accomplishment would give me happiness. But three months since such thoughts gripped up in my mind, I don't see myself feeling all that happy about it either. Then came January 21st when it my little brother's birthday. I bought him his favorite chocolates and a wallet as gift. I could see he was genuinely very happy about it. After gifting him I fell asleep on the couch as I had a tired day. In my semi conscious state I realized he kissed my forehead before going off to his room. It was like a lightning spark. I probably said eureka in my trance. When I woke up I was recollecting his gesture and then it struck to me. Love. We, human beings, love to love and being loved. Gesture of love in family and friends, relatives and even strangers makes us happy! Affection touches us like nothing else can. We all dream of being happy. But we always believe a Rolls Royce with a sack of money in it is an ideal happy dream. In reality though, we always cherish those wonderful moments we spend with our loved ones on a pav bhaji or the day we shared a single cup of coffee because we were too broke to buy one cup each ! These are unforgettable sweet moments which fill our hearts with joy.

So then what would be my ideal happiness then? Probably spending the rest of my life with everyone I love and who loves me back. Then the nagging feeling pricks me. Then what about my higher studies? What about going out of the country for at least three long years? I wonder if I am on the right path sometimes. Is it worth spending three youthful and probably very colorful years of my life away from my dear ones? I already feel homesick. My country, my people this is my world. The affection, the warmth which is my key to happiness in life is actually here. But my journey is headed elsewhere. All I will have there is a bunch of sweet memories, photographs and facebook! Is that my dream paradise? How do I make this nagging feeling of being wrong go away?

So, now I have started reorganizing my thoughts. I think I will embark the journey to grow more in love with my roots. To miss my loved ones so that when I come back I will never want to leave them and go. Distance makes heart grow fonder. May be this journey is worth taking for all the happiness and joy my return back will bring me and I hope some experiences will teach me to love my folks in spite of the distance. But the whole thought of going away has made me realize one thing. Happiness is never materialistic. It is about the life we lead, the people we love and the precious little moments spent with a smile. No amount of money or degrees can every buy happiness. A little love is all we need.

How i got my Passport

2011-01-05T16:43:00.008+05:30

Hey guys! Have been away for ages now! Yeah.. I must tell you my bloody career planning kept me off all these days. So now I thought let me tell you guys something about what the past 6 months of my life has all been about.

I had dreams of waking up in the morning and suddenly realizing that I saw too many white stuff around. On closer examination I realised I was in America.. I couldn't believe it.. I was walking up to a lecture class just when I realised I was under dressed. Oh Shit ! Did i forget to put on my clothes? I look down in horror and realise I've been sleeping in my pajamas in the comfy of my bed, here in India. Pretty dramatic eh? I don't think so.

Pass-the-f***ing-port

Now I knew in order to make dream come true, one needs to first get the initial license. So whats the license to do Masters in US? Well, first and foremost, a Passport.
Now here in Bangalore, if you want your passport in less than 1 month, you have 2 ways
1)Kiss the lord Almighty's back till you see a miracle(the easy way out)
2)Walk into Passport Seva Kendra(PSK) near Urvashi theater, get a form, apply. (The real hard way)

Now I am never the luckiest person, so I had to take the hard way out. Go to the Kendra and fill up the form and then comes the roller coaster baby!!

Step 1: Fill the form online (if the website is ever up and the server is working fine) else get a paper form , fill it and book for an appointment.

Step 2: The appointment -- The hardest thing to come by any season. You can book an online appointment which will be given to you almost 1 month from the booked date (pretty late) or you can do what I did.. Lose sleep (and mind), stand in a queue in front of the PSK at 5:40 am in the morning. (Yeah that's right). Mind you by then there will already be a queue of around 8-10 people.

Step 3: wait for people to join the queue (feel smug about late comers.. stick your tongue at them and shout losers.. all at your own risk). At some time around 8:15 the security dude opens the gate. So with utmost civility move in the queue and wait for token to be issued. One you have your token number called, get an appointment time,return to PSK at that time with all your documents for data entry. (If you see some cool guys in the queue may be talk to them/exchange numbers.. LoL)

Step 4: Just when you start feeling happy that your work is being done pretty fast you realise that your document verification will be 1 month from today! What the fish man!! All this standing in queue for nothing? Then you don't loose heart. You say you have all your documents in order and can get it verified today. You walk into the verification place. Tell them your passport is tatkal(in case u need it in 15-20 days). Pay the additional fee, take the documents and move on the next stage.

Step 5: Then you wait endlessly till your name is called at the first level. Once you go in there, you smile in front of the camera, get your details checked and you get out.

Step 6: Wait in an infinite loop till your name is called the second time. When you go the verification officer and hey makes sure you are who you seem to be. Checks consistency of name and address in all your documents and if everything is perfect you go to the next level. (Make some friends if you can. One cool friend I made bought me a strawberry milk shake..! Sweet ain't it?)

Step 7: The Granting officer, Now let me tell you, so far it was quite bearable, by now the time is 4.30pm. I've been dying in PSK for past 10 hrs and still my work is not done yet! I take all my documents and some special documents especially for tatkal applicants. I produce my birth certificate to this officer and he sees it and says where is your name? I'm like wtf! Name on birth certificate? Mine was issued on the day I was born so you expect the baby to have a name 21 years ago? On the day it was born? I bark all this in my mind. I produce him another ID proof. The college ID card. And then he says "How do I know if you attend the college or not?". Now this is seriously not his business. I loose my temper and exchange some harsh words. Then he asks me to get a bonafide certificate from college tomorrow!

Step 8: Curse, let the frustration out. Shout aaarrghh. It helps.

Step 9: Next day go to college get a bonafide and return to PSK. No need of any tokens now. File is on hold, just enter. Wait in an elaborate loop till your name is called. Go to the Granting Officer directly, (throw the bonafide on his face along with a brick ) Produce your bonafide. By 1:00 pm yipeee! Passport granted!

Step 10: Say naaaa nana naah naah to all those people waiting in endless queues and zoom away happily.

Thats Me.. I'm not running the race.

2010-05-03T01:41:00.002+05:30

Today (3-may-2010 time:1:05 am) as i blog I was wondering if i really had to do this 8 hours before my lab internals(so you know what to say about my studies! lol) however I thought this would be one unique blog because I'm intending to be serious this one time.
No No I didn't break up or make up or flunk or thrown out of the house or something! I'm still ticking on my normal hectic life. However this is something off a soul. A few words which i speak to myself often. Its about truth!
I don't mean to say this blog is "My experiments with truth" but this blog is about why half the time we are scared to be true to our own self.Why is it half the time we are not ready to accept what we are. (Its an open question :P)

On a serious note a friend of mine once said to me she is more comfortable in English and Hindi than Kannada(mother tongue) because of some reasons she is not aware off! I am not starting off a language debate here. But come to think of it people are just not happy about the very own roots! Why are we all so insecure when it comes to our personality? The want to be a mukesh/Anil, the want to be a priyanka/katrina but then who will be Apoorva/Pooja/Kiran/Varun if everyone wants to be someone else?I'd rather make my name a household name than have a role model.

Then we compare. comparison starts since the day you were born. Doesn't he look like his mom/dad. And then we go to school and we have a million n one guys out off which we must turn out to be the best. But the question is "Is there really something called best?" Lets put Indira Nooyi/Sachin Tendulkar/S P Bala/Amitabh all in the same row and now take a call. Who is the best? Difficult isn't it? You might choose someone of your personal interest to be your pick but there is no universal best.right?Then why do we try so hard all our lives to be better than a classmate/spouse/neighbor/cousin/friend? The fact being we are as different as an apple is from orange.

Life keeps slipping away. When you look back someday, in spite of all that one may have achieved if you just think who have i been all this time? I might have been a good daughter/sister/wife/granny but have i enjoyed my life being me?

Accepting our own drawbacks,facts that someone might be a better gifted person than we are doesn't take away anything from us. Our life runs on a constant nagging wheel that if someone is better than us makes us inferior to them. But the fact is a sweet orange can only be a sweet orange and never substitute the refreshing lemon even if lemon is sour.

Life is at its best when mind is at peace. People run away on holiday hoping they can relax their time away from the normal busy world. But all we need to do is start being ourselves. Let the guard down. If someone is moving ahead of you so be it! Why compete with someone and insult ourselves? Imagine I start running behind fame- so does a Rakhi Sawant! So imagine what kind of an insult that is!Not only that but I'm also putting a limit on all that i can be when my actual limit is the SKY!

I guess that's a good note to finish on. When we can be ourselves accept what we are make peace with our body and soul, the guaranteed peace of mind is something which even the richest people cannot buy.I guess success will come to those who work on their own terms and not run behind it!

All izz well

2010-02-02T23:45:00.005+05:30

Back after a long time isn't it? well I'm having a tough 6 months ahead and apologize all my readers for this break but trust me there are a few OK blogs u can visit! :P hehe.. Missed me?No i am not confident enough to wait for the answer so I'll assume u did.. hehe

Oh so by the way aal izz well eh? Chetan Bhagat sells a little more and Aamir mints a million more. so hell, all must be well! Unlike me who is waiting with bated breath for 5th semester results over this weekend and patting my big tummy saying all izz well.(Oh stop u sleazy mind. I'm just trying to push back this obese tummy that makes me frown every morning in the mirror.Thanks to junk food)

But the kick in the ass was IPL season 3! Pakis were shown the right way. The way to home. A lesson which the handy central govt couldn't give for ages. Imagine even Odimba Lodakude Kurkure would be selected but not a Pakistani!Music to ears and delight to Indians. But I heard some Cartoon-shook Khan cried foul about this to promote his crap-thy-name-is-khan movie! Aal izz well because jokers are making poor jokes everyday!!

(a personal one this) for some nosy female relative of mine who thought this post on my blog was mush Well, all izz well because relatives are being at their bitchy best! All must be well :-/

Cut over to the other side of the globe.
I guess Shahid Afridi would be saying the same patting his ball (oh I mean the one he bit on the field! you guys didn't see?) poor ball you know. He was already tweaked on, salivated but being smelt literally by Afridi's dental obstructions?I'm
serious guys. Not sleazy in the slightest sense.No wonder they put Afridi out for 2 matches,May be he would be singing to himself now
ball is well?

Miss Misunderstood

2009-11-03T22:44:00.001+05:30

I'm one completely honest person mostly misunderstood, though i really don't mean to be!
People find it so damn easy to laugh at me. Everyone thinks I'm one little spoilt angel. But actually I'm NOT. uh mm before i confuse my readers to hell and make them click away in one of those "rival" blogs on my list lemme prove my point.

It so happened that on of my lecturers in college wasn't to be seen for a long time. A different person started handling her classes and we did not know why. So, when we asked him why that lady wasn't handling her regular classes, he said she was in the bed!Now why in the world should I be the only one to giggle!Any day you ask me, I swear by the word corny for this sentence(please do not substitute any H there.it's a misfit) err apparently that lady met with an accident and is *bed*ridden.sigh!

However, I really thought this one was pretty straight forward. One of my friends suffering from irritable bowel syndrome with abdominal discomfort usually associated with ingestion of meals or in common words loose motion came into the class with a serious face and asked for some waste paper. I gave her this I-know-why-u-need-it kinda sympathetic look and she was absolutely pissed. I couldn't understand her weird behavior while others were laughing their backs off.I mean what's the big deal? Everyone deals with bowels everyday and poor girl had a great deal more of it today! But it seems she needed the paper to clean her desk while i thought it was to clean err... whatever... No point.. I'm miss misunderstood anyway..

Finally ending this blog on this not-so-funny note.Yesterday on my way to college, I was about to cross the traffic signal when the green transited to red lights (WTF man) and invariably i had to stop. My ill luck i had a lab exam to attend in 20 minutes. duh. I was itching to jump the signal and was on the edge of the road. The traffic cop was making some hand signals at me and he seemed a little miffed. (I have no clue what he was saying) but i somehow imagined that he was telling me to cross the road before the road became crowded. So i started my bike and rest of the guys in signal were smiling weirdly. I was now sure that the cop was directing me to jump the signal and cross fast before other vehicles flooded the road, so i zoomed off ignoring the smiling bloke next to me. I never really understood the joke till the notice to pay fine was snail-mailed to my address. It is definitely funny as long as my dad is paying my bills LOL.

Wonder

2009-09-30T22:58:00.006+05:30

You and me are so good to be true
Like a dream unfurled in a spring blue
The minds match like the sea and salt
Difficult to tell our hearts apart

To lie down in your arms warm
Your golden heart and assuring smile a norm
A heaven amidst the rainbow I see
The fondness of your love makes my life glee

Sometimes life gives us a second chance
To do the right things and choose the right path
But I’m the loved daughter of fate
It has shown me a rosy path

I have no conviction, I know not why
I know this feeling is never gonna die
I know forever its you and me
Cuz we are till the end meant to be

Say what you need to say!

2009-09-18T22:22:00.006+05:30

I've always loved this song by John Mayer 'say what you need to say' of course it has got nothing to do with the fact that this guy is really handsome. The lyrics seem to hit the right chord with me every time i listen to it.fascinating isn't it. to say what you have to? Like munna bhai did it with his jadu ki chappi. Many times we forget to tell people in our life what they mean to us.

They say silence is golden. But i would say silence is a burden. To not be able to say what you feel is no lesser than a handicap than not being able to talk/ hear. Besides don't people who've made our lives so wonderful deserve to know what we think of them. How many of us have thanked our mothers for their mid-night coffees during exams? Did we ever remember to thank our dads when they decided to fore go that important meeting so that they would be able to drop us to school on important days?or that maid who was thoughtful enough to keep those bills safely which we had carelessly thrown to dustbin with thrash? Trivial things- that is what we mostly think. But letting people know that we value their effort is worth much more than any prize. Its approval that all of us seek in life. A gratitude filled hug to mom for her help is enough to make her happy (read as eyes wet and tiny little happy sob). All it takes is genuine smile and a meaningful thank you with a pat on back free of cost , friendship and better relationship free!

I learnt this lesson of saying what i feel from my little brother. he's a very expressive naughty rascal. Once he finished school and came in tired. I was making some fruit juice anyway and offered him some. He was so impressed that he just came around, hugged me and said i love you sis. This small act of his made me so happy that, in the next week when he had his deadlines for projects i worked over-time with him and helped him out. (See worked like butter to him!).

How many times do we tell our loved ones how much we love them?We don't remember to thank the little smiles which made our day. The good old grand-mothers whose bed-time stories gave us the joys of childhood?there are so many priceless relationships in this world. If only we realise them before we lose it. Though we cannot pay back for all the love and affection, we can at least tell them what they mean to us. if you ask me it works wonders. In fact had i not told what was on my mind i would have missed some of the most wonderful people in my life.The happiest moments in my life, getting over worst guilts in life could all happen because i let people know what i thought! I think its time to get started! Lets give those deserving lovable people the credit. for adding love and colour to our lives and making it so beautiful.

so here goes my favorite lines from John Mayer

Have no fear for giving in Have no fear for giving over

You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

PS: i would like to say i love each and everyone of you who comment on my blogs.. irrespective of my blog quality and keep encouraging me to get better.. Thank you so much guys!

Blog Biting??

2009-08-25T20:11:00.004+05:30

From time immemorial man has been living in groups(herds) with fellow beings whom he likes and sometimes(most of the times) dislikes. Err i haven't blogged for sometime of course so i am sounding a little out of touch. So the point i was trying to make was just that we are part of groups ever since we are born. Many times all people in the group do not go down well with us. Their ideas irritate us, their jokes piss us off, their very face makes our blood boil!!! arghh. Tell me you were thinking of some person all along as you read. there you go! That irritating ba$t&rd/B*^ch or (?) is whom I'm talking about. So how do we vent our frustration? As if God heard all our poor soul's prayer he granted us a someone called as a friend and said "thou shall bite the back of the imitator until their back shall shatter to a million pieces!" Lo and behold! Voila!!! We started back biting or should i call it dirty and say bitching? hehe

I think i dont see one single soul in the vicinity of earth who might have not done that. (what about mother Teresa??) i dont really know! the matter of fact is back biting is also a sort of art. I mean how many of us can give a broad smile facing them and in a second jerk up the face into a weird cucumber shape sticking out the salivary tongue out! (i didn't say i cant..) I'm just saying my face is flexible. :P
Most of the times the this phenomenon is an outcome of 1.anger2.irritation3.jealousy4. jealousy5.jealousy6.J... so on the reasons go. This back biting starts in the family where the moms always accuse the new pretty neighbour aunty to be a very cunning and unfriendly after just 1 encounter with her! (hey i didn't say my mom. There are no pretty auntys in some 20 km radius around my house i believe. poor uncles! )
moving to school i remember how i always used to back bite about the first bench girl just because she used to have good collection of pens(i vaguely remember she had a cute face.. err not as much as mine though.. at least i believe so :P)! Even today i think she was over-flowing with attitude!
As students we love our lecturers so much. especially the painful pj cracker, the straight faced cold maiden who wouldn't let us off class even if we blood rolled off our eyes. The englees tacharing lekcharer who'd make us farget hawar longwage! Its soo hard not to laugh at their backs.
Most of the times its fun to just laugh after all we aren't harming a soul! we are just having fun at other's cost.. that's novel.. isn't it? :D

so if here are a collection of bitchy lines:

smart: "he's such a nerd. Book worm"
beautiful: "she's such a b!tch"
popular : "He thinks he is brad Pitt"
rich : "his dad peddler's drugs.. no wonder"
???????????????????

That's back-biting baby! (Am i blog biting or something?..wink wink)

But mostly though i believe we back-bite about people when we can't ignore them. May be they are too good in what they do, may be they are perfectionists or beautiful or just plain boring & irritating.But most of the times the irresistibly factor is directly proportional to amount of back bitten!. (No wonder people back-bite soo much about me calling me chic to hen to pigeon to crow. Hard to ignore me eh? LOL).

There is no ending note on this because as long as we live and move in groups there will always be a victim! (when u guys comment on this blog is that blog biting?? ..)

forever and always

2009-06-04T21:03:00.006+05:30

Again back with a poem. This poem i wrote on one of those mushy rainy afternoons, when i had a million thoughts in mind and no one to express (poor me) :( and so what better way! words are convincingly the best way to express the deepest feelings of the soul. So here is goes one of my not-so-amazing poem trial. And i hope it'll comfort a few hearts. don't ask me how is the title related to the poem. I'd want to keep writing forever and always. That's why the title!!

I know not how, I know not why

How wonderful it feels to look at the

Clear blue sky

To feel the magical morning air

With fragrance of roses

The passionate feelings hidden deep

Inside the dungeons of the heart

As if it has been set free to a happy release

A smile that makes your entire day

Like a walk in the silky air

A heart to beat for

A face to remember

A searching eye to wake up for

A reason to make living better

Like the rainbow after rain

The lovely bright sunshine

They belong together don’t they?

So much of your presence is

Felt in every breath I take

Its like I’ve lost and found myself

In your affection lake

I may not be the best poet to write our song

But only my heart will remember this feeling for long.

For once, its not me!!!

2009-05-30T12:18:00.007+05:30

Hello! Namaskara! Vanakkam! Loong time since i blogged a thing. Almost a month and a half.. well excuses remain as usual, exams, hectic schedule blah blah..However your blogging babe is back to action and lets get down to business.
The other day, as i was planning the grand come back to my blogging, i was thinking how i always write about the situations where i get trapped and get a tai tai pish.. eishh.. so for a change i decided to write about when i am on the better side. When i can just sigh a relief and say thank god, for once its not me!! When the sadist in me comes out and gives a devilish laugh at the poor victims.
My sadist behaviour dates back to from when i was a kid. Once it so happened that my best friend stepped on a foot ball and fell down rolling and walking on the ball in the games period. Not only was i happy that it wasn't me, i was in fact laughing away to glory in front of the poor girl. I'm sure she would have cursed what a loser. Ahem, not that i didn't know about it. Thank you, i ll take it.

Progressively, coming to college I always pitied the poor first bencher who used to sit right under the nose of the teacher. Not only because you can't make mischief or chatter about the latest happening gossips on the campus. But imagine "its-raining-spit.. halluya" kinda situation the poor guys are drowned in. Just because i came a micro-second earlier & occupied a better seat. Thank god, for once its not me taking the spit balls..(i like spit in a different form and delivered different way you see)
PS:i am innocent.. trust me,,, (wink wink)
The sadist in me rejoiced and danced when it was my dad at the receiving end from my mom for not switching off the lights and fans before leaving home. I mean it can happen to anyone, when you are late to college, with the evening hang-out plans shaping up in mind and that cute guy troubling you with his looks and smiles every now and then. Common, i have just one functioning brain! i think it should be made legal to be forgetful. However this time it was dad and not me! woah, relief relief!

Standing in the traffic signals of Bangalore, there are whole lot of activities one can expect to see. cool dudes on their cooler bikes, babes in their pink rides, a beer belly traffic cop, the ever poor beggar who begs everyday (same time, same place, same old starving kid). But wait a minute the grand presence belongs to eunuchs! extorting money from all those cool dudes and uncle ji s in the car. (how ever uncle ji s in the car are clever and pull up their window.huh)But still it gives me immense pleasure for not being in their shoes for once, To see the guys quiver and shrug at their touch. how the guys blush when they are touched here and there (LOL), search their pockets for change, goosebumpy heh? For once its not me having to handle with the stalking men. Yeah, bring it on baby! make them wither and shiver 'cuz its not me this time!

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Thank God! Not this either!

Happy birthday

2009-04-15T15:13:00.007+05:30

Well today i Blog a special blog to wish a close friend of mine, Balaji, a very happy birthday. He has been one of a kind , a champ, almost the guy I want my little brother to grow up to be. I've been thinking a millions of gifts to give this guy. But I am such a broke person that i decided to take a cue from the boyzone guys and say its only words and words are all i have to take your heart away.

Happy birthday dear Balu, i wrote this poem as i studied graph theory to glory last night. I hope you like it brother. :)

I sometimes find it hard to believe
that a nut shell cracks up for a sincere heart.
A smile that lights up unhappy minds.
the friendship in you that my heart always finds.

Many people just come and go
to talk, to laugh to spend a few hours or so.
But in you i find divine love
A precious angel from heavens above.

Call me dramatic or poetic or cheap
but care and joy you've given me in heap
I am so not happy with the words i use
But limited is my vocabulary! please excuse.

On your birthday i want to greet
(Don't forget my special treat)
watches,shirts,wallets I'm tired of wrapping.
So i gift you my blog space in writing
Its all I have , which i can say is mine.
(its not so expensive, so is it fine??)

I really wonder if words are enough to say
Have a great & a very happy birthday!

Liar Liar pants on fire!

2009-04-01T16:06:00.012+05:30

Now before i start here is a (cute) little dumb fool wishing you all my day! I hope you all celebrated with vigor and proved your mettle! well then what is the point I've come to prove today??
What can i say the conscience of a young little girl like me (innocent wink wink) goes for a tiff every time i lie through my teeth. May it be to the lecturers, parents, friends or even myself for that matter. I lie... But trust me i really don't like it (this is not a lie again) But sometimes it is so hard to be truthful!
Like when i get caught in the class talking. The lecturer asks me what i was talking sitting right under his nose and expectantly i say "i was just clarifying my doubt regarding the Euler path sir". Oh how i wish i could be truthful and just say "Sir i was just explaining my friend the shortest route to the near-by Coffee day sir, she has a date in the lunch hour". Hmmph.

Or when I go home two hours late and dad asks me(rather demands) the reason for that, "papa I had an hour of special class and then i had to get a few photocopies of the notes done."
BIG FAT Liar. why can't i just tell my dad that when a uber-cute guy asks me if i can eat lunch with him i would be the biggest idiot to say "no dude, my dad is waiting for me at home so that i can watch Tom and Jerry with him and laugh at the twelve thounsand and fourteenth-time repeated episodes". That is soo not happening! Sorry dad.. tai tai fish this time(reminds me of Johnny Johnny yes papa. open your bag,, (no books)WTF..muhahaha)

If going 5 min after the college bell is late, i go later(!) almost 10-15 min late to the morning classes every day. I ask myself every time why I am late. especially when the lecturers throw this dirty look as if they are saying what-a-sad-ass-you-are. I sit in my seat and ask myself "why am i late everyday??" . The answer ranges from : mom went to bathroom 2 sec late today, alarm didn't ring (i.e. after snoozing it like for 7 times),heavy traffic in Bangalore to the guys in the opposite apartment distracted me when i was brushing my teeth, well list is too big you see.
But i won't admit to myself a single day that i was busy dancing and screeching 'womanizer womanizer' and yeah all in the center stage of the bathroom under the spotlight(water) of shower.precious morning hours!

Off late my little brother younger than me by almost seven years said "why do you wear this salwar kameez? half the time you spend looking down and making sure if its fitting fine. wear something more comfortable" he says innocently. well, what can i say, tongue in cheek and i say "dude its the only kurta which doesn't need ironing. I don't have time to iron my clothes in morning"
Poor little kid. How can i say that he is too young to notice things(naughty wink). The truth is that, that this dress transforms me into a smoking hot chic( PS: self assumption based on drool quotient experienced) and i would even smear thick layers of peanut butter and check my dress at a frequency of a million looks a minute if it me feel so ahem. Got my point i guess. So hard to be truthful isn't it?

Walk Down the M-lane

2009-03-12T22:58:00.009+05:30

I will ?? i will not!! well confused. Has been reeely long since i blogged anything. Thanks to exams, results, college fest what all and what not!!! So finally am here to tell you about the adventures of a little girl. LOL.. just kidding.
I was just talking to an old school friend yesterday and was reminded by her how confused in life I was back then. I think most of us were. So i just compiled a few of my favorites(to be read as the ones i remember) here. just a walk down the memory lane
As a kid i never understood how people would come on the TV. i always thought that there were people dancing inside the TV. On top of that, i was pretty sure that if i could break the glass of the screen i could reach the things behind the screen. That was such a tempting thought especially when the Cadburys chocolate ad would flash on the screen. Should thank heavens that i wasn't daring enough back then to put my thoughts into action or would have been marauded by my "dad"ler. jeez.. kids

Not that i got any better with age. When i was fourteen I had developed this huge crush on guess who? "dada of Indian cricket" .. yeah the man himself. Sourav Ganguly. I was so desperate to impress him when i would meet him (Jab we meet!) I would watch this ETV bangla to learn Bengali! Heights i should say. I never got over that huge crush until i got into college. (Doesn't mean I found some better dude at college. trust me! Cross my heart). My mom has to be thankful that her stupid daughter wouldn't follow his foot steps and take her shirt off to her fans.. or may be wait a min,any fans around?? should I? (No I ain't asking for 'valued' opinion.. I'm just thinking)

But this one incident happened when i was in middle school. Probably 4th std or 5th std. We used to have drawing and painting as a part of our curriculum. It so happened that the drawing tutor was a strict lady who would knuckle bang us when ever we did shabby work. Me and a guy who sat next to me happened to be one of her "hopeless" students. We weren't the best in painting or drawing. We were shit scared of the lady and would be the quietest mice in her classes. Once she just entered the afternoon class and the entire class grew silent. (the monster comes in type of silence). After a few minutes suddenly there is this faaaart!! Guess who? Yeah the epitome of painting and drill master of drawing. the monster mam herself had farted in the class. We students in the first bench got the whiff(err.. may be better words are there) of the "thing", however we were all so scared of her that we were containing our volcanic laughter out of fear and each face looked constipated for years. She was however too casual and our rising urge to break the shackles, one girl in the corner finally gave up and giggled loudly. Do i have to say who that girl was? psst!! that lady was embarrassed. I think i got a C finally in drawing. I was more happy that my knuckles didn't take a hit for laughing at her fart! woopsie daisy!!! :P

Chikki's Bakra Dutt act

2009-01-31T13:56:00.012+05:30

This is a disclaimer that the characters in this blog are purely fictitious and any resemblance to any person alive or dead is purely coincidental. (to be read as I'm a poor blogger with less time and even lesser money. have some mercy on me )

Recently I met chikki while she was playing on the Chintus' terrace.

I smiled at her and she was glad to see me. She wagged her fluffy dog tail vigorously and said "akka finally know what i will do to get my Padma award" she said.
I was bored of chikki and her stupid ideas. I reluctantly asked, "what chikki?"
She said "i will be a journalist, like Bakra Dutt". "So what ?" i asked
"Imagine akka, i can go to the war places, drink tea and show people how brave i am, i will be world famous she said flipping her dog lashes.
I can go to the terrorist attacked hotels and extract information, show the world that I will leave no stone unturned to show the truth of the hour to the folks of the nation so that they stick their bums to my channel".
"But chikki that will be a dangerous thing, you may give away crucial information to our enemies" i observed.
Akka, what do you think? that our pakistani mamas will watch MDTV in the war zones drinking chai? or with a strong Indian army attacking you think the terrorist uncles will have time to watch MDTV ? of course no akka! Don't worry i will manage", she said.
"hmmm chikki, more than all that, you will have to do the Bakra Dutt act" i said.
"What is that akka?" she asked. "You need to sue poor bloggers for blogging their opinion. You should fight a legal battle to curb the freedom of barking from the bloggers if they go against you or your channel. Have biased political showdowns, be a pseudo socialist and the host of shows like we the doggys" I said.Poor chikki was too disappointed. She just sighed a dog sigh of despair and went back to playing the lame go-get-the-ball game.

Chikki Dog's Diary

2009-01-26T14:53:00.013+05:30

Lazy Sunday morning, I was about to start my early walking session my neighbor Chintu jr came to me and said "akka, can you please take chikki for a walk today? Dad is out of station and mom is busy. i am too sleepy akka", the little boy pleaded. chikki is the friendly neighborhood golden retriever. I looked at the boy's face. poor thing looked like a torture victim of 7th std history &civics. I agreed and he handed me the dog and i we started out for a walk.
Hi akka it has been long since you took me for a walk, chikki said.
Yeah chikki, exams you know, i said.
after a while chikki started, "akka my life in the Chintus is soo miserable."
i was horrified! thrice a day dog food, walk every morning, specially given warm bath with special soap, poop cleaned wherever, special treats on weekends and life is miserable? what the dog!!
Chikki continued, "the Chintus will not let me persue my dreams and make it big in life".
wow, some dog talk there. I asked chikki, "why is it so? don't they let you play with bones or something?"
Chikki threw a dirty look as if she was going to say "is that all you can think of ?"
Then chikki said,"akka all my life, i ve had the dream of getting awards like padmashri, padmabhushan etc. But the Chintus will not let me reach my goal" she sighed.
"what have they stopped you from chikki? " i enquired. "akka what shall i tell you about my tale of woe, i wanted to compete for the padmashri award this time. But the Chintu Sr said no one competes for the award. they are just chosen.. woof woof" she sniffed. "that is true chikki. People are chosen for the awards depending on their achievements" i added in.
"If that is so i asked chintu Jr to take me to his cricket camp akka. So that i can hit a few sixes, advertise for soaps and bikes. make money,grow my hair long,drink boost and become the captain of the cricket team. Isn't that achievement enough akka? Chintu Jr thinks that is rubbish. He is jealous of me i think" buhuhu, she wept.
uhh. i guess, you need to even have an affair with a model who is 5'9" which i don't think you can achieve chikki (unless ahem. err.. forget it). so may be try something else.
"But after thinking a lot, i asked Chintu Sr to introduce me to film makers. I can anyway jump building to building. i will drink black coloured thumb liquid, over-act, i can even be the hero of an utter flop movie from chikku palya to Indonesia. isn't that achievement enough for a padmashri? "sniffed the doggy. "err, i think you ll have to have a string of affairs with actresses and to top it all you have to act in mindless comedies by priyadarshan chikki. which i don't think any self respecting dog will", i said.
So then chikki's eyes lit up brightly" I know what i will do akka. I will win the miss world from the dog world and start acting in movies. I will act as hyper as i can and wear the shortest skirt that fits, dance kajra re my black black eyes, even marry a banana and rake controversies for kissing on screen with my doggy lips!" she said.
Now we were almost coming to the end of walk, i said "chikki, you will even have to ditch a couple of bollywood hunks and become the bahurani of bollywood before you can be awarded a padmashree" I wagged my finger at her . "ditching bollywood hunks may not be all that bad akka. it may be fun and just in case you help me out, you can keep the guys i ditch" chikki said thoughtfully.my fuse just blew off," You chikki bi*ch", i was about to pull her collar and smack her dirty dog back before which she luckily ran into the chintus compound. As i walked back to my compound i was thinking, may be if Chikki keeps trying someday i can take a padmashree awardee for a walk!!

Comedy of Errors

2009-01-04T21:56:00.005+05:30

There are a few things in life all of us would have tried at times. Sometimes succeeding and most times eating the dirt. Like for what i am writing today on. date goof-ups!!! yeah yeah i know, sensitive. But if you were me, almost two decades of existence on the planet and more than all that: no-more thinking like a crush-stuck teen puppy, it only sounds funny. Given the fact that i don't go on dates anymore (innocent wink wink) for obvious reasons, my previous couple experiences i would tell you guys. Mind you what you are about to read is highly fictitious.. no resemblance to your previous dates.(security purpose disclaimer ;) )

Well i remember my first date in my sweet sixteen, with almost as many pimples on my face. wearing a blue denim with a long flowing black top and the cutest blue jacket i could pick up. trust me it was a good one. My first ever date was a family friend-type guy and accidental. We had nothing in mind. We were waiting for a couple of his cousins and my friends to turn up for the movie. since we landed there half an hour early(unintentionally.. trust me.. i swear :P) we went up the MTR near the urvashi theatre and had something to eat i guess. i don't actually remember what. however it was quite a fine one.

The very next planned outing turned to be a serious disaster. This time it was a college friend of mine who was walking down the bus-stop with me. In the pretext of exchanging novels during the vacations we decided to meet up in some coffee shop. I thought the guy actually knew it was a date-of-sorts. Well when i saw him, my jaws dropped to the earth. I almost stopped breathing. The guy actually turned up there in his jogging shorts and sweating hard, literally smelling like cattle pickings and wearing a skull cap??? ewww.. seriously that was gross. The first thing that i ever thought about this guy was that he needed atleast a ten thousand rupees worth waxing on his legs and a bucket of deodorants to kill his goaty smell. I was looking all made up and this guy looked like a hairy goat with the stink of a cow. Well he sat down and started talking stuff, i only remember that i counted the number of times he would scratch his neck. i think i counted till 23-24 then i lost it. May be i should have suggested some itch guard or something. well i was holding my breath until the book exchange was over and i was ready to run towards the door when the cow looked at me. i think i drank some masala tea and the goat drank a cuppa coffee. the bill was close to 80 bucks. Actually he was expecting me to dodge the amount. HEIGHTS!!!But i would have payed up the entire bill, even double that to get out of there. Cheap cow i should say. Pretty quickly i was off and i don't remember how i managed to return his book looking into his eyes after the vacation but i somehow did.

If that stinko date was not sufficient i remember one more flopped one. Which was of-course set up by my friends. I could have never said no to that friend of mine. So i had to go. The guy was a simple nice guy. looked decent enough. start was really interesting. Slowly started the complimento fest.
guy: you are looking nice
me:oh! thank you(of course you had to say that to a girl)
guy:your lips are shining,do you apply gloss?
me:err (isn't that obvious unless i have mirror on my lips) yeah. i did.
guy:for me?
me:holy S&it. heh, no i dress for myself.
after some small talk...
guy:wow. i like it.you know i feel amazing looking into your eyes. you have a nice eyes.
me: (is there some prize for best complimenter or something) thanks
guy: Hey don't use kajal, it has XYZ chemical in it which can harm your eyes.
me:(what the fack. is this some date or herbal beauty parlour) OK. ill try to avoid.
i try to change the topic.. small time relief
guy:hey your voice is really sweet ya.
me: (oh so now you know how to taste sound? ) i just smile for the sake of it.
after sometime finally the guy says
guy: Hey hows my shirt. You never said anything?
me: (oh ya, its yellow, you should have worn it with pink pant and coloured your nose red)i just look away and decide not to respond as if i never heard anything.
guy: hey did you like my shirt, he asked persistently
me: ya. good one.(looks like chikpet mal to me)
guy: and this pant of mine is new. i just bought it for last diwali.
me:(and what about the other things you are wearing inside? you bought in city market streets in sasta dus ka teen maal eh?) "ok" i said
now my patience was running out.I was no more going to tolerate this dress-obsessed am-ready-to-kiss-ur-black bata chappal-for next-date despo guy. This time around i was not going to dodge even a single penny for all the torture i was through.I would rather walk out alone without even waiting for him. The ultimate bore
hehehe

funny however. Lucky me that those days are all gone :P
heh

India Shining

2008-11-30T11:55:00.007+05:30

"India is shining" the feel-good slogan by the BJP previously in the elections, claiming India's growth from a poor, illiterate country to a developing sophisticated nation , a peace loving country with booming IT sector. yeah we sure are shining. aren't we?
A train full of innocents burnt by unmindful, so-called "nationalists" surely shows India is shining bright, lit by the death of victims of communalism.
India sure was shining brighter than ever when a convicted terrorist called as afzal guru's death sentence was not carried out. reason : India is shining. don't we have to reflect in the polls coming up in Kashmir? we obviously need the Muslim brothers to realise that India was shining in their direction. didn't we? and "thinkers" like Arundhathi Roy defending these terrorists saying that they were 'trapped'. A Booker prize winner with so much of social responsibility! India is shining like the sun.
Then we have sophisticated terror bastards under the name of politicians, like Narendra Modi and LK Advani who support a "sadhvi" involved in a brutal terror plot under the name of hindutva. isn't India shining? all these days the nation only knew about Muslim terrorists. Welcome to the new India where we have Hindu terrorists under a new name : "sadhvi"!! backed by the shameless politicians.
India shines its glory when Indians are chased around in their own country by eunuchs like Raj Thackeray and group. That's because India was shining in the fire of regionalism. Who said we are a united country when we have organisations like MNS to light the fires of hate amongst ourselves?
And finally India shone like the brightest star in the universe when terror attacks razed Mumbai on 26/11. Where the Indian intelligence failed to give the smallest of indications about it. India shone in the pire of hundreds of innocents killed. India keeps shining when the sick politicians cannot unite even for a cause. All that our politicians can see in such heinous terror attacks is VOTES. The blame game has already begun. All that the congress wants to do is damage control and all that BJP wants to do is 'make hay while the sun shines'.

Not that everything is the fault of the politicians. citizens can probably take a blame or two. how many parents have told their kids to be politicians? heh. all of them want them to be engineers doctors, lawyers. any takers for politician? All that we know is to blame. I'd rather die in a software company working my head off rather than be there in the parliament. Right now our parliament is filled with retired actors,corrupt officials, business tycoons all who cant read a thing without their reading glasses. where is the fresh blood? where is that educated young Indian who is in politics with a urge to change the system? count me in. I am too going to be a shameless engineer who will only sit and blog. No wonder my heart swelled with pride when my 12 year old brother said he would love to die for India while watching the funeral of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan.shame on us.
A few days after things will settle down and back to square one. India will be shining again. The powerless prime-minister, the yes-ma'am president, the pathetically armed army, the night blind Indian helicopters, less than 50% of police force that knows to handle ammunition, the corrupt or rather useless navy,the brave soldiers dying due to lack of protection and the least bothered government. India is shining.

a small word

2008-11-23T12:46:00.005+05:30

err.. its been quite long since i blogged anything. blame my internals :(
lately i don't even have time to even see the watch . lol. hehe. anyway tomorrow i have my Unix internals. i was actually studying, but it was getting soo boring that the poet inside me just surfaced like that and wanted to shout out a few things. well in the form of poetry of course. and obviously its a mushy one !! :P
Finally after writing down the lines i spent good 30 min over the lunch thinking what would be the title. well i did not have to go that far. i just stole a line from one of my favorite songs ever called blue night by MLTR. so i decided to call it you are the one i love. I am unable to attend my cousin's wedding tomorrow i.e 24th of nov thanks to damn internals!

A few words i really had to say. 'cause i mean them in the deepest sense.dedicating it to special and important people in my life.
This one poem is outta my soul at the same time a present to her wedding " 'cause its only words and words are all i have ...." (smart me eh?? 2 birds for the same stone.bwahah)

HOWEVER wishing ash and log a very happy married life and happiest years ahead.
hey ash -Like you lost your slippers yesterday, i wish all the bad times are lost likewise and let the glow on your face be with you for rest of your life. (Now don't tell me you use fair & lovely... LOL) hehe . my deepest apologies for not being able to attend.
so right after this blah blah blog i am posting my words. i hope all you guys enjoy it.

BUT WHY ME?????

2008-11-06T20:32:00.008+05:30

Sometimes in life we come across highly interesting situations in life. some situations in which all we say is "damn!!! why me??"
Well, i am usually a easiest bait of such situations. reason: i am a born perfect model of laziness. the Goddess of doing the simplest things in the wrong way. well in simple words, i am good in screwing things!!! :-/
When i am riding my bike to college in the morning class, i am late by a couple of minutes. Thankfully the traffic signals green. But just when i am about to happily wade the vehicle river dang!!! there goes the RED sign.. And to add to the misery, the cute guy on bike beside me crosses the signal while i am trapped back with a drunken auto-driver straining his vocal chords for some pathetically painful song and finally end up going late to college!! damn!! but why me?

I remember a instance when my friends asked me if i wanted to join them for a lunch in college canteen. i refused their offer too politely as the tasty pulav was waiting for me in my bag. I finish a tiresome lab session and sit down to gobble up the food only to realise that i have got it all messed.Mistakenly i had carried my brother's lunch box which invariably had plain curd-rice as he was not keeping well!So while my friends went out for a hog fest i was eating my curd rice cursing my ill-luck.
god damn!!! Why me?
Why aren't the first bench nerds ever late? ...why doesn't my mom forget to take her lunch box? why doesn't my bro throw his clothes all over the place and get shouted at?why why why? why is it always me ??
And to top it all, recently one of my neighbor (obviously a cute guy) happened to drop in to my place to return a book he had borrowed some time ago. And guess what! i was wearing a age-old pajama with a real old and completely faded barbie T-shirt(not even fit to be worn by 8yr old girls..a serious fashion blunder :-/) and even worse watching cartoon network picking the wax from my ears. i was soo engrossed in my act that i didn't even realise that this guy had been standing at the door for quite sometime staring at the loser lying on the couch in the comfort of pulling out the dirt from her ear without a even a tinge of shame or manners.. Duh!! goes without saying that he no more borrows any books from me.. damn..
why me? :(

DEEPAVALI

2008-10-28T11:41:00.006+05:30

Finally the festival of lights is here. I think its one of the most awaited and exciting festivals in India. I remember as a kid how the day before diwali, how all night i would be going gaga about the crackers and new dress. heh.. good ol days eh? As i grew up diwali was more a Slurpee fest of sweets and great Indian food ;)
jokes apart, this year however i am unable to celebrate deepavali as my granny passed away Recently and we are supposed to be mourning(?)(of course i am mourning!) .
yesterday, the first day of diwali, i was in my terrace enjoying the superb colour display on the night sky. for a moment thinking about what the festival meant for each person around i saw the kid on the other side of street. Every time a flower pot would sparkle the child's eyes would glisten and gleam even brighter. the entire family seemed to be immersed in the celebration. with a cherry smile on my face i moved to the other end of the terrace which overlooked another street.
Here i saw a couple of poor kids going from gate to gate asking for crackers. Pity, i thought. A festival that means equal spirit looked like two faces of a coin.
One side of the street if diwali meant happiness on the other side it looked like an empty dream.
However the smile that spread on their little faces when one of the kids shared a few crackers with them, that really was priceless.. (sounds like the master card Ad eh?? but i really mean it :| )

Then by the side of the street, another family, from grandparents to uncles to aunts to kids. looked like whole family tree had branched out into the street. The auntys in their zari saris and heavy yellow metal. so the festival of riches and celebration.(almost directly from ekta kapoor's serials)

and finally a pretty girl on the terrace
writing a blog about the festival( no prizes for guessing who it was);)

deepavali signifies the advent of brighter days

let the darker days be past
may all the brighter days be the future

here is wishing all of you a very happy and prosperous deepavali :)

FILTER KAPI

2008-09-29T17:14:00.012+05:30

Now this blog is for a typical South Indian who thinks that life without filter Kapi i.e beloved coffee is like a dog without twisted tail :) .
The lovely aroma ,when fresh dicoction is mixed with hot milk and a few spoons of sugar are added and mixed well.. ummm smells like heaven in a cuppa steel. The moment the coffee cup kisses your lips, well, lost in sensation probably a few seconds the whole world goes blank!!!!heh i still remember how our maid servant would come bang on time on the chilly December mornings for the "kapi".hehe

In most South-Indian families each one of the members have their own way of enjoying the strong kapi. I can bet my dad loves his coffee the most when its given to him with a chair to stretch himself completely and a news paper to read on.The way he sips in real slow into the coffee mixing it with the daily dose of murders,kidnaps and dirty Indian comedy aka politics is extra-ordinary!! The first sip always spreads a million dollar smile.

while most moms drink their coffees religiously like an energy drink. The first thing that's ever prepared in most kitchens is our kapi.
well for me, though i am not as privileged as my dad or mom to enjoy early morning coffee(blame the sun. he usually crosses the horizon before i can open my eyes !) i love it the most when i am back home after a tiring(to be read as boring) day at college.when mom gets me that steaming hot coffee in the evening with couple of my favorite biscuits. umm... i totally love it!!!!

for my bro though drinking coffee in front of TV is a way of catching an extra added 10 min of cartoon network. heh.
However no one can forget what a sleep repellent coffee can be on those nights before internals to help us fight the sleep demon which prefers to attack us only the days before major exams!!
Or the Kingly coffee that makes its presence felt in marriages to death ceremonies irrespective of guests or mourners!! :P
or that hot coffee after spicy churmuri or a masala dosa! its a tongue festival!! ummmm.. writing so much bout my beloved kapi i now feel like having a sip. Umm.. i guess i badly need a bucket of kapi!!!!!!!!

this one blog i enjoyed a lot while writing. hope u guys enjoyed it too..

this blog recently was published in Deccan herald nov 4th issue in the coulmn called 'right in the middle' !!
howzaat!!!

Sleepology

2008-09-21T14:21:00.003+05:30

Ask any engineering student what is his best past-time. Some good students may come up with painting,singing etc. extra ordinary(to be read as boring) students will say studying!!! But normal ones will definitely say sleeping.
I sometimes wonder why we all love sleeping so much. may be because we wont have to move an inch of body for this or may be because it requires least amount of brain usage???
For me it is because i can dream anything. censored or uncensored!!!! i can make Richard Gere wash my feet with his tongue or make Hugh Grant pole dance around my study desk!!!
Think about that lazy Sunday morning. Rolling in the bed even after sun has rose and shone his glory. like a lazy bum to wake up soo late that one would be brushing teeth at lunch time.. heh. smooth :)
Or that Saturday afternoon after a heavy lunch, even if Gorge Bush was going to hang himself in public, i would prefer my beauty nap!!
But apart from this, sleep is sometimes foot in mouth experience in the wrong places and wrong times. If i were not to be born the lazy bum i am then i would have been spot on-time to my college everyday. But its soo inviting to snuggle into the rug in the foggy(?) mornings that I have just given up attempts to go on time.
But this bummer afternoon classes after lunch should be banned in all colleges. How the hell do they expect us to understand dynamic memory allocation after a voluptuous paratha meal in the afternoon? We always get to see heads falling off their places every now and then.hehe
Even worse during the exams. The moment one opens the clipper-clamper circuits, all of a sudden everything starts looking hazy. the eyes which co-operated to see two late night movies the previous week now go on a strike and refuse to open up for next three hours!! duh!
however bottom line remains same : Sleep when you can, don't forget to switch on the fan!!!!!!

Paanchvi pass se tez hai kya?

2008-09-17T21:15:00.004+05:30

Some days in life are so unique.We all tend to do things which in other conditions wold have been ridiculous. well in simple words some days we are soo stupid!! there are days when actually instead of being the calm composed brilliant fabulous etc etc there are times dumbness flashes all over the place and appears as if LOSER is written in bold letters all over my face!! this week has been one such week.
occasionally all of us do or think of stupid things; like when i decide that i want to clean my room, or when i think i ll start studying on time. these are like most stupid things that will probably never materialise in a life time. but this week has been exceptional :(
for instance today i found a public way of embarrassing myself by judging people of their covering(?)
today as i was travelling in the bus, i fetched out a 10 rupee to note to the conductor and asked him a ticket for my place. the conductor seemed to stare at me for a while. So asked him again for a ticket. This time the people around me were pretty much staring at me and the conductor gave me a dirty look!! for a moment i thought asking for ticket was a sin.. not for long anyway.Soon only to realise the guy i was asking ticket was not the bus conductor but some passenger wearing a khaki kind-of shirt!!!!! :-| damn!!! i felt like i had just put some stinky socks into my mouth!!
on a similar occasion a few days ago, i was on a call on my cell phone. engrossed in conversation, i got down from the rickshaw, payed him only to realize that my cell phone was missing!! what the fackkkkkk!!!!! i kept swearing and shit-shitting and the person at the other end was confused. he asked me what happened. i said i was unable to find my cell-phone. poor thing was too baffled at my brilliant revelation. I was actually telling this on my cell-phone!!!!! Well i was soo busy talking that i had actually forgotten that cell phone doesn't remain in pocket when you are using it!!! duh uh!!!! to be truthful i was almost ready to chase back the rickshaw guy. So much for my smartness. So what say?? panchvi pass se tez hai kya?? :-/

a bad day???

2008-09-08T20:08:00.005+05:30

So its been long since i blogged. well today i actually had a bad start to the day. I was late to college (nothing new in it!!!) yeah i know. If you have read my previous blogs, you don't have to be Einstein junior to figure out that i am a lazy bug. so as usual went late. but the worst part starts when i was about to enter the class with a group of co-lazy fellas of the class but there comes mister thunder and shower!!! well not the literal ones of course, my college is a decent one. Doesn't leak in classrooms!!! But mister so called XXX who belongs to bark at students category and will probably be authoring a book called how to scare shit outta students came to the scene. and on he went with his blah blah. he finally ended his thanksgiving speech on the note that he would cut our tails!!! :-O
so there was a second revelation of the day!!! a TAIL??? what the fack!!! i actually had seen almost a dozen times in the mirror.. i actually don't think i had grown a tail in 15 min!! LOL
anyway after that we go to the class, after a normal hour of logic design. the next period is UNIX shell programming. there comes the mam with a silly smile on her face and says there is a surprise test!!!! wow.. now that's what i call a double whammy. a person like me so clueless about the subject except for the spelling spelt as 'U','N','I','X' had no clue what i was supposed to write. duh uh!!! surprises need not be fun always!! :x
So after having a tiresome boring rest of the day i come home to discover that i am starving like of of those malnourished kids while there is nothing much at home. So then in a few minutes joins my famished party is my brother. So when you put two hungry devils alone at home what does one expect?????
A PARTY OF COURSE!!!!!!! :D we decide upon a few spicy chats and some colas and chips. In a few minutes my room meant for studies and other serious activities smells like a chat shop. We the famished lions of the street turn on the volume a little more than usual (to be read as roof flying volumes) indulge in talk of tongues and tastes with hip hop music screaming low low low. At some point my little devil asks me with his mouth full of one of the colas "isn't is looking like a bar, music,drink, us dancing around like crazy???" yeah it hell does!!! so how did this bad day come to an end?? bad day? who said so!! what did mister XXX say in the morning?

hawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans
Boots with the fur
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low

yeah he musta said this!!! ;)

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

2008-08-04T12:23:00.015+05:30

So there i was lying in a soft silken white robe,i was actually lying on the couch. 4 men all ex-Mr universe- muscular,popular,spectacular,bachelor(oops does this sound like some rhyme??) surrounding me. one was giving me a pedicure, the other one was fanning me( "whoa y do u need one when your in an AC room " juju asked me.) well u know just for that royal comfort feeling. uh. anyway 3rd guy feeding me fruit salad with ice cream and finally the last guy to ensure that the 3 guys are doing their job properly. eh! and what great fun. there enters the a bespectacled reporter.

rep : hello miss apps!! Good morning . i am soo grateful to you that you managed to get sometime out from your extremely busy(?) schedule for this interview!
A: eah! that's OK.. no problem..(I stare at the pedicure guy's face. he instantly shifts from pedicure guy to manicure guy)
rep: well miss apps u surely look fabulous!! No wonder you have been named as the most beautiful woman on this planet!!! congratulations. would you like to share your beauty secret with the rest of the world?
A : oh thank u soo much. well beauty is a uhm.. complicated.. hmm nice.. well I think (just tell them its the hard work of the make-up lady scorns juju). i throw a dirty look at juju and say" beauty is skin deep. i don't think I'm that beautiful anyway" , i battle my artificial lashes.
rep : ohh thats soo down-to-earth of u apps!! anyway moving on, we heard off late you are not attending too many parties as you have taken a little sick. would like to tell us about it?
A : oh ya! (pulling a small frown). its been almost 24hrs since i last attended a party. 2 pimples have erupted on my face and they make me look a little sick and a little older. so i have been avoiding parties for almost 24 hrs now :(
rep : oh that's sad. But u look older? that's not right apps. u only look like you are 18.
A : (disgustedly)i DO?:??? oh holy god!! i am only 16 and I'm already looking 18??
reporter immediately interrupting to save his ass from getting busted by his editor, changes the topic
rep : miss apps I actually wanted to have your take about the last week's blasts.
A :blast? oh yeah last week i surely had a blast in Paris. Esp the wine served was one of the exquisite ones i ve ever tasted.
rep is a little confused, looks like as if he just tasted anaconda flesh with fruit jam
rep: blast? in PARIS? but we had serial bomb attacks in Bangalore and wanted to know your take on it.
A : oh!!(embarrassed) oh well.. I strongly condemn those blasts. I also think that we should make peace with the terrorist groups and give them their prisoners back.
rep : but the groups have not demanded anything yet.Actually we don't even know for sure which group it was.
A :oh really ??(so much for your GK.. chuckled juju) oh i am sure they will make that demand sooner or later.that's what they always ask for isn't it? i try a pathetic line of defence

suddenly my cell phone rings and the interview gets interrupted.

A: hello!! ohh its bread pitt??? so nice to hear you !! ha ah ah aha i chuckle
{something is said on the phone}
A : oh yeah i heard about the two angels(or diaper demons?). So far you need 2 more to make your rainbow? oh hard work big boy. keep working on it i chuckle.
{something is said on the phone}
ohh so you also i heard about my sickness?? yeah baby.. i sneezed almost 5 times and one cough yesterday!!
{something is said on the phone}
yes I'm better today, i sneezed only once today and not a single cough.
thanks for the concern bread! send my love to bangelina and the kiddos.byeeeee

the conversation is over on the phone and the reporter resumes with his interview
rep : so apps coming to your love life, we have spotted you a couple of time with the sexy hearthrob actor kaun abraham a few times at discos and bars. So is it true that you both are looking?
A : (with a small blush) uhmm.. well me and kaun are just friends you know. we are best friends. we almost dine together everyday and share a drink too. there is nothing more than that.

At this point my cell phone bleeps a msg. the msg goes "Hips off to shoot. Candle light at my place @ 8" -kaun ( i wink at a bored juju)

rep : but we have reports that his girlfriend Hips is having trouble with his friendship with you.
A : ohh i think they are a wonderful couple. Infact kaun tells me how much he misses her when she is working. i dont think hips has any problem at all (why will she when she has chef ali kan in case kaun is not around laughs juju).
rep : i see. So what is your next program on your ever-busy schedule?
A : you see i am flying to Namibia tomorrow for the launch of OhStink brand socks. We never realise the importance of a branded socks. this brand socks is a scented one and you can go without washing it for more than 6 months!! So i am pretty busy.

by the end of this i hear mom is shouting will you wash you stinking socks or shall i put it on your nose right now.. wow now i wake up on that serious threat, to see myself on the same old bed,no fruit salad guy,no manicure guy. oh shitt.. so what was it? dream huh?? I still couldn't figure out what i was in that dream.. actress?? naah. social activist? nay nay. ohh wait a min.. did juju say parties/stupid/jobless.. uhmm.. oh yeah!! i was a celebrity!!

if not anything i wish i could still have those 4 guys at my service. damn!!!!

good-bye

2008-06-29T16:10:00.004+05:30

life is full of colours
black, white and gray;
some enter our hearts like flowers
few fade but some bloom to stay.
Just when we started to think life is getting perfect,
creeps up disputes and conflicts.
how hard we try to save our loved ones
but almighty thinks otherwise.
No matter what you say or do
A broken heart only gets sore.
we thought our love is strong enough for any tide.
But how did we wash away for a tiny rain?
the separation hits bolts of wrenching pain.
even before the sun rose and shone,
the scent of love is dead and gone.
If trying only means more hurt and pain,
its better to say good bye.
Great are the memories we share,
starry eyed and that passionate stare.
no matter how many tears are cried,
The beautiful dreams have all dried.
I wish the future brings more cheer to you my dear
through all your nightmares and dreams i will be near.
it may not be the scent of love anymore.
But a breeze of concern will be on the shore.

Nostalgia

2008-06-27T14:10:00.005+05:30

Its been 4 days since my granny passed away. She was almost 86 and passed away due to age and illness. Fair enough that a suffering came to end. But today, as the Christina augilera's hurt was playing on the background, i couldn't help but come under the nostalgia. damn, i was missing my gran. 'seems like it was yesterday when i saw your face. you told me how proud you were when i walked away. if only i knew what i know today'
yeah definitely seems like it was yesterday that i saw her sleeping cuddled in her bed like a child. its hard to believe that she is no more.
I still cannot forget how proud she was of me.She would proudly tell her counter part granny in our neighbourhood "My grand-daughter is going to be a an engineer". he he.(as if i was the only engineering student in this world). she never seemed to mind the little pranks of her grand-kids. My bro would tease her to heights, like take a picture of her sleeping wide-mouth. he he. she would just act annoyed but never really minding it a bit. oh we really miss those good days gran. :(
I can still remember what a great cook she was. She could cook some of the best avalakkis and akki rottis. As a 6yr old i would return from the school, i would smell those wonderful aromas from the gate entrance and would go running to the kitchen with the school bag on. And as i got older, turned out that i spent loads of years with gran. She would be my staunch ally in almost everything. From that computer i wanted to the new scooty, she would lobby hard for me with her stern son (my daddy dearest of course!!!). She would say i looked beautiful even if i had worn rags. Such was her affection to us. Gran was proud of everything her grand-kids did. Sometimes dad would complain that she liked her grand-kids more than her own children. Granny would always give a mischievous "yes" for that question. There were days when i would force poor gran to read my silly stories.(like i force u guys to read my silly blog). My favorite part was however the festival times. When the whole nayak family would crowd at my place to take the blessings of gran. Mom would prepare sweets and other fryums.hehe.festival to taste buds.
Gran used to love sweets.but she was diabetic.we would smuggle those teeny weeny bits of sweets to her hiding from the watchful eyes of dad. lately gran and me would enjoy leisurely evenings sitting in the balcony watching people go by and talk about her childhood and stuff. she would come up with interesting stories like when she won a first place in running race in her 3rd std. i would laugh my ass out imagining her in a running race. Now all that seem like distant shadow. no-more can i see granny sitting in balcony on that green chair she would.
With age, suffering seemed to bog her down to a great extent. In fact over the past couple of months, there were many days when we prayed for a peaceful end to her. i hope gran has found her peace wherever she is now.But no matter what i cannot forget the scintillating aromas of your avalakkis, nor the days we would sit in the front yard and play chouka-bhara. Those were the nostalgic moments of my childhood which are so priceless. so continues Christina Augilera
some days i feel broke inside, but i wont admit sometimes i just wanna hide 'cause its you i miss you know its so hard to say good-bye when it comes to this.
Good bye gran

FATHER'S DAY HUH! WHAT BIG DEAL??

2008-06-14T21:06:00.018+05:30

Today as i was listening to radio..."tomorrow is father's day.. blah blah.. wish ur dad.. hug..blah blah" so went on the RJ. For a moment i almost wondered.. what country is this? where did these stupid days and hype come from? The unwantedly hyped father mother days, we have a day for everything.. from eating a pizza to farting loud. A day for every damn cough and sneeze. may be in future we may have a gardeners day, a pet day, a rag-picker day too. After all they are all important to keep our environment in order. I do not have anything against the westerners celebrating all these days but I have some serious issues with Indians following this culture BLINDLY. We have become slaves of acting Yo and Cool.(so then why did u buy the GAP shirt the other day babe asks juju.. well.. SHUT UP juju.this is my blog and I'm the hero(ine) who says all the right things ,,OK?)
Now back to serious talk, it is really worrisome that youngsters especially have taken up these practices as our own. the issue is not that they have forgotten Indian culture.but how justified is it for us to follow the westerners?
let me explain my point, why do we need a father's day after all? well majority of us live with our parents or are constantly in touch with them all our lives. Its not like in west where the children break the shackles in teenage. We depend overtly on our parents emotionally and socially for a very long time. almost till the end. ( like u depend on ur dad to drop u everyday to college even after knowing to drive for more than a decade teases juju...)hehe. But how many of us have depended on our dad's for that shiny red bicycle when we were six to that brand new scooty to college. personally i have depended on my dad for almost everything. he is my wake up alarm, driver, Hitler,teacher,guide and that shoulder to cry when you were having your bad times. Can one day per year be sufficient to express all that love and gratitude to the man who has showered selfless love to me over the years? if you said YES.. you probably will bang your head against the wall. because even if i work all my life, i cannot repay all that concern and protectiveness(what about the way he stares when he sees your guy friends ?)
well thats ok juju. i can still manage fine. thats a normal dad thing to do.My dad is a person without whom i would never be the kick-ass girl i am right now. I no more fear to show my middle finger to a pissy lecturer in open class(of course on his back)daddy cool eh?!?! no matter how many disputes i have with him, i still love him for all that he is from the bottom of my heart.after all no man is perfect(but women are) so many feeling and one day per year ?? blaaaahh.. thats bull shit.if i have to show him that i love him, i will do it my way. One day he will beamingly look at me and "say thats my girl". i aint the girl of pretty pink cards or hugs and kisses daddy. i am ur daughter.

END of CIVILIZATION?

2008-06-12T21:31:00.006+05:30

Today I saw a heart wrenching scene on one of the news channels. The recent mob fury in Haveri over the shortage of fertilizers lead to agitation which later turned to mob fury causing hefty damage to public property and life too. The news channels proudly broadcast the wailing of farmer. (duh! there must be rules against broadcasting extreme human suffering. it dosent make a pretty picture any day says juju). It really was a horrific scene as the farmer was wailing and crying over the bruises "i never threw a stone" he cried bitterly. this actually should make us think :"is this one way of handling mob fury?" actually if the agitation gets over the top, the police have no way out other than a lati charge or a golibar. But the question is "how civilized is that".
(so are the so called protesters so very civilized asks juju) well tough questions. Personally speaking, i think its highly animal like behavior to vent your anger at public property. Its not like your poor room wall that you can throw anything when you are angry. there has to be a way of voicing ones concerns. But many people who love talking politics feel that the opposition party was responsible for violence. hmmm that could be a possibility since the name of country is India. But coming back to main topic, how can one tackle such problems where a poor harmless farmer was beaten black and blue while the actual culprit got away.
In a country like ours, its very difficult to completely rule out methods like golibar,but at the same time there should be better ways of vigilance, like probably areal vigilance in sensitive places and more usage of less harmful methods like tear gas and water jet.
At the same time, the people of India should get some sense into their heads that the poor buses have done no harm to them (like eating up the fertilizers or something). We mark the beggining of the civilization with the advent of agriculture... but look at the sorry state of our agriculturists. looks like civilization has to start all over again. (annoyingly juju reminds me that there are hardly any possibilities that any farmer will come across my blog for a couple of civilization lessons) Is anyone listening?

review : the 3 mistakes of my life

2008-06-11T19:48:00.000+05:30

well well!!! for all those book lovers, especially in India. the youth which went frenzy over chetan bhagath's first novel 5 point someone, three mistakes of my life kind of an awaited book. especially since it had the back drop of three youth like in 5.someone .... so then whats the verdict? Is the novel match upto its predecessors? well my verdict is a blunt NO WAY.

i know thats really harsh, but I have nothing against that poor fella. believe me, i got the novel around 8 pm. i read it non-stop till 4.am in the end i was like duh uh?!!? is this what the novels all about? i was totally let down. getting a little more critical, the novel is neither funny, nor is it serious political drama. its a bit of both and that actually makes it a sloppy effort.
in fact the teeny weeny bits of jokes which other wise should have made the reading pleasurable are almost non-existent. feels like it was an exhausted effort by Bhagath.
the story is about a small town boys, who have their own conceptions about life, well which finally comes down to almost an ordinary narration. there seems to be nothing exciting happening in their lives at all.(well atleast some excitement could have spiced up the story).you can look forward for his trademark dramatic finish(though not as dramatic as one night @ call center) the overall plot is neat. But their is NO GOOD substance what so ever. The Gujarat riots has been well narrated and touchy. that probably is the best part of the story.Ali is one admirable character. but it could have been elaborated, the beginning especially is really boring.so summing it all not much to look forward in the novel. too many repeated shades of 5.point someone. Priya has been sort of renamed as Vidya (atleast i feel so). so I give a 6/10 for the novel. (probably its my high expectation out of a new author) never the less there is always new to look forward for. hopefully next one will be better than this.

at the movies

2008-05-17T13:16:00.000+05:30

Movies.. well most of us on this planet love movies. but there are some movies which we tend to watch over and over. (well I'm not talking about your AP series or Scary Movie types.. hehe). I'm talking about movies which relate to our lives very closely.the script of which resembles the shadows of lives distantly. the movies which never bore us even after we know each and every frame and dialog by-heart. yesterday I watched one such movie, Annapolis. I have watched this movie a good 3-4 times. I'm never tired of this movie. eh!
Its about a hero who has been coined "not good enough" all his life and finally when he catches his dreams thats the moment i always play and replay a 100 times over and over. its the sweet victory that we all love. the small passions we have and the little goals we want to achieve. my favorite dialog is the one when he says :"it isn't fun being under-estimated always". definitely true. though the end is predictable like most of the soccer movies or basket ball movies i still love this movie. i see my own reflection every time the hero is put down by his folks or by his disapproving senior. i see my own shadow when he gets frustrated and wants to give up.sounds very familiar? i know!! But finally the victory goes to the positive spirit and perspiration of the hero. (now don't start yawning)!!it still is one of my favorites.
.........We spend all our lives trying to get the approval of our loved ones but We actually have nothing to prove to others. If at all there is something to prove, then its only for ourselves.
sometimes when i work hard to get something i want and i still end up in the middle of nowhere i get so frustrated that i lose myself and my composure. like in the movie i feel like people have been telling me that I'm not good enough all my life! But that very frustration is what keeps me going and transforms into inspiration. well people say they get inspired by others' success. But i strongly believe that if at all one needs to get motivated and all pumped up that can happen only from within. i loved Annapolis for its sheer simplicity and the way i can easily relate it to my own life. every time the instructor looks with disgust in his eyes towards our hero i almost take it personally ..ehe i am not sure if the movie did well in the cinemas but it definitely has done good enough to sit on my computer and get played every time I'm down and out. wrapping it all up, like the movie says "you can achieve when you believe"... wonderful isn't it?

late again

2008-05-14T16:32:00.000+05:30

huh! totally this has been one heck of a day and night! if the preparation to write a tronix paper involved so much drama, getting to college was even more eventful. oh my god! i was late to college again!!!!! (#2435 time reminds my inner voice juju). well i really have to tell you about this inner conscious of mine which i prefer to call juju. this juju is soo nagging all the time, i think even a mother in law is better.juju always reminds me of all my mistakes at the wrong time duh!! i am human. give me a break juju.like for example it never fails to remind me of how i spent a whole day laying on the crouch doing nothing when i get lesser grades! Grrrr
well coming back to todays drama, i was on the brink of finishing all my units. but had some last minute preperations which i guess is pretty normal. and so i was seeing through the lines in the text book even as i was brushing. But goddamn i really have no clue as to why i got thaaat late to my college. my dad was fuming. ohhh will you people please take a chill pill i silently barked at them in my mind. i still dont understand why parents get soo hyper if kids are late to college. its not like parents will be asked to come to PTA if their kids are late to clg!! its an engg college! hehe! my dad was acting as if he was given some kneel down punishment my his
geography teacher!! eheh.
i was in such a rush that i dint even bother to comb my hair properly. even otherwise I'm not much of a mirror woman. i hardly spend 15-20 min in front of the mirror (now juju don't start wagging your silly head! thats is very less compared to my folks ). Now starts the exciting (worst) part! my dad was going to drive me to my college 4 km away braving the Bangalore traffic. actually he is a not a bad driver for a dad. he can actually bend(break) a coupla traffic rules to get his sweetheart daughter on time. and of course can actually drive the vehicle like a roller-coaster but damn the traffic in Bangalore! forget roller-coaster even a cyclist will complain about insufficient driving space. and for my rotten luck we got stuck in every single traffic jam!! faaaaak. And finally on reaching the college i was late by almost 4 min. now the PT Usha in me got roused.it was time to show off my athletic skills with my 2-inch heels. i dashed for my exam hall in the third floor and lo and behold! i was there by 2 min BANG!not bad! not bad at all. may be i should consider going to gym. that would improve my future prospectives of gettin to exam hall in may me a nano second earlier.
Anyway as i went panting and sweating inside the exam hall, the examiner saw my sorry state and offered me to change my place!! she may have even got a little confused with my dismantled hair. i don blame the poor lady. probably i was looking like a rag-picker in good clothing. hehe. man !!! what an exciting (juju calls it stressful) way to start an electronics test!! i loove to go late. ;)

engineers in making

2008-05-14T11:30:00.000+05:30

so what did you think reading my previous poems?? that i was probably some heart broken teenager eh?!?! hehe.. not at all.. they were just poems i had written sometime when i was 16 or 17.
eheehe. so no heart break kid here.
but yesterday i would have had a massive heart attack let alone heart break. my meager thinking brain finds it extremely hard to understand as to why engineering students get torchured like war prisoners trying to build a poop tunnel!! today was my electronics test, well thats a quite a subject for slow(empty) heads like me. with my average quite below par,this was my last chance to make myself look decent in the nerdy lot of the class. i was slogging seriously. actually wasted no time the whole day(i mean that doesn't include my 2 hrs of browsing and 3 hours of slumber in the afternoon) started off on IST 8:00. operational amplifiers was the chapter. bugger lot!! i was wondering if it was actually 2nd semester book, man everything looked so brand new and shiny. UNTOUCHED. really had a hard time concentrating in between those bugger IPL matches and your sharukh dancing. its such a pity we had to bend our asses to study. damn! anyway inching toward 12:20 my friend N calls me.we talk weather,food and stuff like that,trying hard to avoid the talk about test. well but finally the deathly blow comes. she asks me half heartedly. Is that last unit included in the test tomorrow(rather later today)? well i appreciate her politeness, but asking me about portions? eh eh pretty much like asking a tiger to prepare idli sambhar,totally interrelated. i was half in slumber and suddenly this question shook the breath outta me. WTF!! the last unit? dont tell me. im already struggling hard with the 2 crap units and one more to go? no freaking way! i almost throw a fit. poor N. she is as uncertain as i am. then we put our thinking caps on. i msg some 4-5 friends early morning 12:25 to find out the exact portions!!!!
we are the future computer engineers!! blaahh. and poor J msgs me telling that the deathly 3rd UNIT IS THERE for test. now i almost have a heart attack! what the heck am i going to do? my average is too damn low and with one more unit to go, looks like i will carry around a loser tag this semester!
but with no help by side and test happening in 7 odd hours the only option left was to ,,, study!! damn! what freaking life is that? i feel like a rocket.. as if our bottoms are all on fire. and so goes the slogging, sometime around 4:00 am in the morning i realise i am done with a chapter! hurray!! now 2 more to go. 4 odd hours left. not positive. never the less the fire is catching up. i make feverish attempts to ward of my angels of sleep trying to coo me into my soft bed in the comfort of fresh morning air. will you guys please put your sleepy head to wherever before i bang it all into the walls?!!? i scream at the poor sleeping angels.they weren't quite amused i guess. they stopped bothering me for a while. but GOD 2 units.i look up the (ceiling)sky and ask in a pathetic voice.SLOG hard my child! remember the days you spent your time wandering in mall for hours just for a softie ice-cream? its pay back time child goes the eternal voice. right. my creater isn't helping me either. probably my manufacturers had an idea what a lazy soul i would turn out to be and bestowed me with all night sleeplessness...i now vow that once i get employed i will definitely start a PCE.prevention of cruelty to engineers. hmm
wonder how the test will go! with all those binary and octal digits dancing to the tunes of MJ playing in the background.. sometimes i seriously wonder no neighbor has actually complained about the loud music all night! not that i mind one bit. so aerosmith reminds me. read on! slog on! go on, till ur face turns blue (sorry for deforming the song)

break-up

2008-05-12T12:11:00.000+05:30

Better than you

i look at him after almost a year
he doesn't look into my eyes
so what did you think?
I would be broken into pieces
crying hard to grip my life without you?

Are you kidding me??
i ain't no heart breaker like you.
i was not the one to tear us apart!
so why do you think I ll even care for you?
when all you did was to
hurt and more?
i ain't no fool to think you
were being solely mine.
don't think i din know
you playing around,

now thats all fine.
i haven't yet found my man.
but i am more re leaved
that you are no-more a part of that word!
You never deserved a pure heart like mine.
so you cant even look
into my eyes,even after a
long time.
i am so happy these days.
prolly because of your absence
at my place.
I'm better off without you
and happier than i have ever been
i thank you for making me
realise that I'm not
that bad after all.
I'm actually better than you!

precedence

2008-05-12T11:43:00.000+05:30

Broken dreams

All this time I was pretending

That I had all I needed.

Running behind mirages and

Believing in fairy tales.

Well, but reality strikes a cruel bolt.

Makes me realize that water at distance was but a

Dream.

In the desert of life I am,

I am at a fix; should I stop for a while or should I keep searching for my oasis?

A little behind me I hear a voice,

A fragile shadow that has been with me

Throughout my journey.

Even as I was searching for my fool’s paradise,

The hand on my shoulder never lost grip.

Now I decide to stand still for a moment.

What did I get out of a thankless friend or a useless love?

More tears… more pain

Its now time to stop pursuing a dream that will never be… useless to brood Over the mistakes.

I decide to walk with the hearts that beat for me.

Its time to show gratitude to the concerned eyes

And a heart full of love for the heart that showers

Endless love every second.

That hand

Which protects me in my worse and loves me

With the purest form of love.

Is my cherished gift.

Oh! What a relief! Deserts have their

Precious oasis.